The Good Co-Parent: Setting the Right Boundaries

John 15:18-25

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated me without reason.’

In this passage, John reminds us that Jesus knows intimately what it feels like to be hated for no reason. He came in the flesh as God, but those who feared losing tradition, power, status quo, etc. could not see him for who he was. John is telling us here that if we believe in Jesus, we also believe in the Father, and if others do not believe, it will be easier to reject and hate us than to risk believing. Your co-parent, as well as their family members or even professionals in the field, may criticize you for attempting to set boundaries so that the fruit of the Spirit can be evident. In fact, they’ll accuse you of the opposite without much reason, other than to be right. You cannot control that, but you can rest in the idea that Jesus felt this too and he gets it. Let that be enough to motivate you to choose peace over chaos.

Yesterday we explored the distinction between what others believe is “good” co-parenting and what actually works for the children. The business-like model may be a better choice for your situation, rather than stubbing your toe on the concept of cooperation. If that’s true, there are three principles of setting boundaries to achieve a business-like style with your co-parent: