Narcissism: Why It Matters in Co-Parenting

Titus 3:9-11

But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

In these verses, Paul is telling Titus to avoid controversies that are speculative, especially when they turn into public debate. We can probably assume that his meaning of “speculative” was pertaining to matters that do not center on the gospel or godly living. Humans were the same then as they are today, except they didn’t have Facebook, X, and Instagram to wage their public war about speculative issues. Paul said it then, and it is true today, that this kind of conflict is a huge waste of time, when it could be spent on better pursuits. But it’s the kind of interaction that narcissists live for.

Just like in yesterday’s scripture passage, Paul said to have nothing to do with these kinds of divisive people, whose goal is to create chaos, not resolve issues. This is great advice if the person who possesses these difficult characteristics is not your co-parent! In the vast majority of co-parenting situations, there are legal requirements set out in a court-ordered parenting plan that requires a limited amount of co-parent communication for the welfare of the children. This is why we have to talk about how to engage with narcissism when we are discussing high-conflict co-parenting.